Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
