I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
