I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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