It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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