You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
