dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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