you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
