You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
