Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
