watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
