i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
