Soap is not a condiment
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
