he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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