My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
