Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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