My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
