and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
