i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize