pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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