you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A bitchslap is in order.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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