SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
