Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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