We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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