she was so not down for the gang bang
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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