i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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