This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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