literally had 100 drinks last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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