my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize