I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
