Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
