If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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