I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
