Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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