Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
