Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize