He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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