We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
