hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
