but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
