I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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