if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
whose parrot is this?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
