i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
