you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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