I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
