He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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