FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
