i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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