Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
