I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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