Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
