So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
