well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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