Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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