I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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