she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
