Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
