The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
don't judge my taste in strippers
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
