I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
