i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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