i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Actions speak louder than pants.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
