i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Buhtt sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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