Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
