Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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