glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
