last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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