Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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