i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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