Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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