Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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