Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize