So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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