he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
