george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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