dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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