just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize